


Ces Sept Trous Du Cul

by ARabidZombie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Envy has a spray-on tan, French makes the title look fancy :P, Gen, Literally human personifications of sins, Slice of Life, Sloth is a sleepy bby, The human is a billion percent done with everything, Wrath is vegan, and one human guy who has to deal with them, maybe relationships later, other tags to be added later whenever they're needed, pretty blunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:31:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8734987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARabidZombie/pseuds/ARabidZombie
Summary: The house was on fire. Again. This was a problem, but not one that Ellis felt like dealing with. He told himself that someone else would probably deal with things and decided to ignore the fire and instead go out for a stroll and maybe lunch. A year ago and he would have been panicking, calling 9-1-1, and trying to find anything to put the fire out with, but a year was a long time and things sometimes changed very drastically in twelve months. Especially when those twelve months involve living with the literal personifications of the seven deadly sins.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on a whim; something not serious that's supposed to be entertaining. Maybe some day there will be humor. Or a plot. Or a point.

       The house was on fire. Again. This was a problem, but not one that Ellis felt like dealing with. He told himself that someone else would probably deal with things and decided to ignore the fire and instead go out for a stroll and maybe lunch. A year ago and he would have been panicking, calling 9-1-1, and trying to find anything to put the fire out with, but a year was a long time and things sometimes changed very drastically in twelve months. Especially when those twelve months involve living with the literal personifications of the seven deadly sins.

        Ellis made it about half a block away before he remembered his wallet was in his jacket, and his jacket had been left inside. With a sigh he turned back around and returned to the burning house. Smoke was still billowing out of the kitchen window, black and angry, when he entered. None of the neighbors seemed to notice. That, or they did notice that one of the houses was burning and did not bother going outside to check on things. Maybe they were as used to the weird things that happened in 7606 Pinewood Ave as Ellis was. Maybe they were just shitty neighbors.

        The jacket was towards the back of the large, rented house; hanging on a hook by the back door that lead from the kitchen to an impressive fenced in yard. Ellis had to walk through the worst of the smoke to get to it. He noticed Sloth sleeping on the ground, back pressed against some low cabinets opposite the stove which seemed to be almost completely engulfed in flames both inside the oven and on the top range. How did something like that even happen? Ellis almost did not want to know. He covered his nose and mouth with his shirt, squinted through the hot, black smoke, and made his way to his jacket. It was a small miracle the thing hadn't caught fire as well.

        On his way out, Ellis grabbed Sloth and dragged her away with him. It was not very hard; Sloth had a medium frame, but not a lot of meat on her bones. She did not get up and exercise much, but she also did not often bother to eat. She looked as though she were wasting away-- something Gluttony was constantly trying to fix. Her cotton candy pink hair was long, flat, and dull. Her skin had a healthy tan, mostly because Pride liked to drag her outside to sun bathe with him. She looked like a doll, constantly being moved and posed by the other inhabitants of the house. Occasionally she would wake up, move somewhere, and go back to sleep. It used to creep Ellis out. Now, he did not think twice about dragging her out of the burning house and leaving her on the front step for someone else to deal with while he went out for his stroll and maybe lunch.

* * *

 

        Maybe lunch turned pretty quickly into definitely lunch when Ellis walked by a nice little cafe that pleasantly wafted the scent of freshly baked bread out into the street. He wandered in and was happy to see that the prices were reasonable and the sandwich selection was decent. There were a few large brewers behind the registers that proudly showed off how the tea was brewed in-house. The place was not very busy, with lots of empty table and spaces where Ellis was pretty sure no one would bother him. It looked promising.

        Given that there was almost no one else in the shop who was not working, Ellis did not have to wait long in line. He placed his order, paid, was given his drink, and found a nice, quiet place to sit and stare at his cellphone until his food was ready. Over-all it was peaceful. A pleasant change from the sometimes talkative and always troublesome creatures he lived with. He tried not to think of them as people, a lot of things in his life were easier that way.

        "So, Wha'cha order?" The almost too-cheery voice across the table was recognized immediately; Ellis did not bother to life his gaze from his phone as he mumbled an incoherent response, as though that would stop the inevitable from happening. "Sorry. I didn't quite hear that. One more time?" The voice was still happy, though now there was an edge to it that promised bad things should Ellis try to give an unsatisfactory answer again.

        Wrath was like that sometimes; a slow build-up to an explosion of fury. Other times it was like a switch was flipped and she went instantly from generally pretty happy to hateful and violent. It stopped being disturbing and started being tiresome and kind of annoying around month three. He hadn't heard her enter the cafe or take the seat across from him; i twas not that his word-search game was really that interesting so much as Wrath had a tendency to sneak up on people. She also had a tendency to not look  too out of place until it was too late and she was throwing a fit. Ellis doubted anyone else in the establishment really noticed her yet either.

        Her face was plain in every way except for her expressive green eyes. Her layered hair was black and straight, and fell just below her shoulders. She was easily the smallest of the Sins, despite being the most destructive. She was petite and usually wearing something cute and/or fashionable, almost always involving a scarf of some kind. Heels were not uncommon, though they did less to help her lack of height than she seemed to think. Ellis never bothered pointing this out to her; preferring not to rile her up over unimportant things. It seemed this time he'd end up having to rile her up anyways; that, or he could ignore her question and have her get upset over that instead. It was a lose-lose no matter what he did.

        Ellis held back and sigh and answered again, louder and much clearer, "I ordered a Rubin."

        Wrath's sweet expression immediately turned sour as she repeated, “A Ruben? You know that has corned beef, right? And Swiss cheese! And that dressing on it is probably part mayonnaise, which comes from eggs!”

        “I kind of regret not asking them to add bacon,” Ellis added, still not looking up from his game. He's heard this kind of ranting too many times before to be bothered by it. If Wrath wanted to go on the war path, that was her business. If she destroyed his food in the process, he'd just have to get something else. Something with a few different meats and cheeses. They've done this song and dance more than a few times and he was hoping Wrath would know where things were going if she did anything too drastic.

        The petite woman slammed her fist on the table and began a long-winded lecture about animal rights, abuse, the effect of the meat industry on the environment, and how much healthier an all vegan diet is for humans. Ellis half listened. He had most of what she said memorized already. He did not understand why it mattered to her; she was not human and Earth was not her home. Not really. She was a creature of Hell and they both knew it. Ellis did not know why she-- or the others-- felt the need to live on Earth. With him.

       When the sandwich was brought-- the waitress ignoring the ranting woman and possibly saving herself a headache in the process-- and Ellis did not hesitate to lift and take a bite. It was better than he expected. He did not make any attempt to hide this fact. It would probably mean Wrath was going to throw away anything in the house that came from an animal again, but in the moment it was worth it. Even with the health benefits and the benefits to the environment, Ellis had a hard time convincing himself to take what Wrath said to heart and even think about an all plant-based diet. Meat and cheese and butty and milk and ice-cream-- everything that he was told not to have he really liked, and he did not believe vegan alternatives would work. No matter how convincing, a lie was still a lie.

        Wrath was still ranting-- and making threats to treat Ellis like a food animal and cut him up for Gluttony's consumption-- when Ellis finished his meal and got up to leave. He walked out the door without looking back to see if she followed. With how her voice did not trail after him, he assumed she was too busy with her anger to notice he was not longer there.

* * *

 

        The house, when he arrived back, was no longer burning. The place did not smell like smoke. When Ellis walked into the kitchen to put his jacket up he noticed the room was so clean you would not have assumed it had been filled with flames and smoke not so long ago. He had to smile at that. Even though they could be horrible and annoying, the Sins did not like to live in filth. Well, Sloth might not notice what she lived in, but she hardly made a mess on her own so Ellis did not mind her.

       Envy was in the living room when Ellis walked out of the kitchen, lounging on a couch with Sloth. She looked content nestled up against him and he looked all too happy to pretend this was willing arrangement and not a result of him having positioned her sleeping form that way. They looked good together. Close in height. Close in apparent age, although all the Sins seemed to be in about the same late twenty-something age group. Envy's hair was a darker version of Sloth's pink, though his was set in short spikes. He tried to look tanned and healthy like Sloth and Pride, but ended up with the kind of orange tint that screamed 'spray-on'. Neither looked good, necessarily, but they did look right together.

        It used to amaze Ellis that none of the Sins looked like siblings; then again, why should they? He did not know how those things worked and could not say definitely that they were related to each other through parentage any more than he could make the same claim about any other human that believed they were crafted from the same God he believed in.

        Envy was staring at Ellis, clearly unimpressed by what he saw. He sounded offended. “Must have been nice to go out and enjoy yourself. Lovely day outside. Don't worry about poor Sloth here; left to burn while you had a leisurely little walk. Don't worry about the fire, by the way. I put it out.”

        Ellis made himself comfortable on Sloth's other side, keeping the sleeping Sin between him and Envy as he answered, “I moved her mostly out of the way. I'm sure she could appreciate me not bothering to do more than that.” Maybe she would have been disappointed to hear that he had put effort into moving her at all. He did not bother putting too much thought into the subject. “I had lunch, too,” Ellis added almost smugly because he knew it upset Envy to not be as effective in his 'scathing words' as he meant to be. “It was nice; I hardly thought once about the fire. I half expected it to be taken care of before I got out the door, but I know try your best, so I'm proud of you for getting it taken care of eventually.”

        Ellis turned on the television to watch whatever happened to catch his eye while Envy fumed on the couch. Sloth did not stir, content to stay where she had been placed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story, please harass your friends and close relations with the link to it in the hopes that they might enjoy it as well. If you did not enjoy this story... uh... my bad?


End file.
